Advise.

Do you ever find it super hard to take one's own advise? Maybe advise is our form of our emotions telling us what we should do, but of course we don't do.

I never understand why people go back to bad things, why they don't run from bad situations but maybe it's because although they are abuse or taken advantage of they have already feel a sense of security.

No that doesn't make sense to me either, but it's something I really want to look into. It reminds of how abused women do not run away, but it's that fear that you have nothing else.

So is it bad to give advise you yourself can not take?

Is it bad to do what your heart tells you even though it may break relationships and that sense of security you have?

Questions are hard to answer; you need advise.

I've been feeling sad.

Could it be the change of the seasons? Could it be that I've been adapting to the reality that has been laid in front of my eyes? Maybe it's those around me not doing what I imagen they would.

There are days we feel as though we are let down as though nothing goes right and we are simply of minimal importance to society.

I've been feeling sad, and unfortunately the answer to my feelings are not simply written down and if they were they would unreadable because the a person feels is not merely black and white it is a mix of color pallets and a mix of things that are merely unexplainable.

Recent let downs and questions about my standing in the world may lead me a direction where answer can become a possibility, but yet I still wonder what it is.

I attempt to become a member of society and become like most people a "good person" but the opportunity doesn't arrive because when you are ready to become that "good person" you are shoved with a shit load of problems down you're throat.

This could be the answer to why people go "crazy" and why people act with rage. Because they are not given the opportunity to channel their emotions, they are not allowed to talk and simply left behind by their "friends" who did not even bother to realize their absence.

As the rain pours out my window and I see the city lights, I wonder. Wonder how things could be different in life; wonder.

Acknowledge

You sit in the room and not one person acknowledges your words, for that matter your presence.

It's not as though you seek attention; but you feel a sense of wanting someone to for once pay attention to you.

The past days life has felt this way. A constant struggle for someone to talk to you or the constant want for that missing someone in you're life. Even when you had the chance to fulfill your wishes, your wants you never took the time to embrace it.

As though you sit quietly because the sense that no one cares runs through your head you begin to develop a sense of fear. You are fearful to share into those conversions and you ask your self whether they will care or not.

Attempt to stay positive and things will be fine our parents told us. But don't act and things could get worse.

Yet in your head you question why do they all choose to talk to him/her. What makes them better? Those answer are not quickly answer and you will seek to understand the dimensions of relationships.

Anxiety

I found this quote and I want to share it:

“Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day.”

JZ

Searching for it to stop.

I tried to cry, but no tears came out.
My eyes dry like the wind you would find in some western lands where nothing lives but sand and air.

I been trying to not let anything worry me, nothing feel as though it has to be on my mind, but I've been failing.

I still worry, feel anxious, and think way to much about things in which should be of minimal importance and I worry about nothing, because in reality I have no idea what I am worrying about.

I need to begin to let others go, and stop my attachments to things; but if I do I will lose them, our friendships, or importance.

It's a battle I continue to fight, and I have forever: Why do I care so much?

fuck.

I need to find something to concentrate my energy in, something that will be productive.

I lack that, I lack a force in which I can concentrate on. I lack the ability to recognize my wrong doings. I lack the ability to speak my mind in an un-hurtful way.

I continue to search for those things to come into my world, and I hope that when it does it will help my insecurities, my lack of things, and my sense of care for everything I encounter.

JZ

Its working, but will it last?

Whats happened the last few days is unexplainable; but of course I will try.

The moods and the amounts of emotions have been insane. People have argued, ignored, poured their hearts out and even swore to stop talking. But in the end it's worked itself out, because mature people have done what they had to do and talked.

But yet although everything has been working and it all seems perfect, I know something is not fully clicking in. Individuals are choosing to omit something, and I could understand why.

Although I understand it, it causes this unsettledness feeling in my stomach and it causes this nervousness that is unexplainable. It's weird because in my head nothing is bothering me, but in my unconsciousness something is, and it attempts to present itself in a weird form.

Subject change.
I've caused a few different problems lately, only because I haven't been able to fully display my feelings toward this moment in my life where things are going to begin to change way to fast. In this moment i'm going through learning and I'm still learning to cope with the concept of leaving family,friends, and me house behind for things I need to actually do. What bothers me is the fact that I'm afraid of what will happen at home when I'm gone? Who is going to be there for me? In my absence will I be replaced? Will things change so much that I will lose what I hold so dear? I really no one can understand this feeling, and in my attempts to help people understand its just caused anger and arguments from others.

I pray and hope that things in my life don't change in bad ways, that things continue to be good and that those who I hold dear in my life remain there with open arms.

Need.

I've realized I need someone in my life.

I need someone to take me away from the problems that I have and I need someone in which I can concentrate my positive energy and someone in which I can talk to about things that bother me.

I see other individuals in my life enjoy the privilege of having things like that and I just want a taste of it.

Lack a Purpose...

I feel unsteady, and confused. What is happening? It's been the last few days that I just feel that I have no reason to do things.

I have been feeling alone, with no there to support me, my ideas, my words. They go along unheard and unfelt. Because simply people do not give me the time of day to listen.

Everyone around me has someone to focus on, someone in which they can rely on. I myself lack that right now. And for those friends who lack someone themselves, I attempt to remain there for them.

I feel annoyed. I can not even begin to say why, but I just feel like everyone, everything and every moment is just being annoying. It's the places I visit and the emotions of people that case me to feel angry, sad, annoyed.

I lack a purpose. I am lacking a reason to do what I do, I lack someone to share my success in and I lack successes.

I am in search of someone and a reason to continue to be happy for. I need some excitement in my life; I need something to keep me busy and give me joy.

You have no reason.

What's wrong today? Oh did everything go perfect? great.
Then what is wrong?
exactly nothing; because you have no reason to bitch.

deal with it.

It's just a phase...

I attempt to convince myself that in reality it is just: a phase.

A phase in which I have no control and I have no meaning of controlling and in reality have no authority to even begin to question its means, meanings and explanations.

In reality I think we all surpass a phase in which everything in our lives plays out to be a drama, everything seems to be the end of the world; when in reality it is nothing more than a simple problem that can be handle as easily as deciding over two choices.

I believe, that this is exactly what is happening with those individuals who are closest to me, those who I call my friends and family and although in no means do I say this is a bad thing; I believe it is a phase in which in ruining my day.

I am sick of hearing negativity, although I am negative. I am tired of anger and pouting, although I am angry. I am done with the flights, the arguments and the disagreements, although I myself participate in them. I want everyone in my utopia to be happy to get along and just to be "friends and family"

It is a phase, in which I am a participant, a supporter and a representative. Although I don't want to question it, I feel as though I need to question my participation in it. Why am I going through a phase? What has cased me this anger and these raging thoughts? I am unable to explain this, but I don't stop searching for an explanation; someone to tell me that this is normal, and that it all will be done by tomorrow. But when reality hits, a timeline is not an option and an answer still remains unclear.

Capture

I feel inspired to capture things.

I want to grab a camera and take pictures of everything in my life. A camera represents my memories and my want to keep things the same.

I wish cameras could hold feelings and ideas or I wish anything could just hold feelings and we could choose at anytime to go and relive those specific times we chose to capture.

JZ

In one ear and out the other

I see your images, you words and I still can not get over the fact that your entire "relationship" is placed on a rocky base of lies and misconceptions.

How could people hate each other so much and get in the public eye pretend like nothing is wrong?

You said that you could never be friends with someone who hurt you so much, yet you have forgotten the hurt, the evil words, and the many times you cried to me seeking advice.

It is obvious now, after months of wasted breath that all the "advice" and the things I told you, went in one ear and out the other.

You; yourself are a individual based on lies and you are a misconception.

So when this comes to an end, and you come crying to me, seeking advice or telling me words that have no fundamental meaning then I shall do like you and go in one ear and out the other.

JZ

I like what's going on...

I've seen a change in the last few weeks, I rather enjoy it.

I have been so dependent on certain people and what where doing.Now is time to change that. I have been searching and really investing in understand the idea of friendship. Certain people in my life should not be there because they do not invest in me.

Although I can understand that people's life get busy and things come up, it is not hard to quickly send someone a text or give them a call.

So, invest in your friends if you want them to invest in you...

Friendship is a two way thing...make sure you're at least on one side.

JZ

Liar.

Lies, something we all do in order to hide information or not hurt others feelings.

Being caught in a lie, completely does the opposite of what I just previously stated.

Truth of the matter is that unfortunately, we ALL lie. Presidents, parents, kids, teachers, media, celebrities even our grandmothers... ALL LIE.

We are raised by liars who in turn tell us not to lie, but in turn they are lying to us. Honestly, my true belief is that lying is okay. It is so common and done so often that we forget we are not suppose to do it.

Many reasons are out there in why we "shall not lie" but no one ever tells us why it is good to lie.

Good because it helps us get out of awkward situations, it avoids us doing things, the list is continuous.

But my biggest tip is: Do not get caught lying.

Seriously, because when you do... well my might have just have said the truth.

Promise you kid.

Do find yourself constantly connecting to music most commonly with songs that are sad or that tell a story? Is it mental or is it our minds in the attempt to inform us of deep thoughts and feelings we have?

I listened to Haven't Met You Yet and there is one line that always sounds clear to me, it sticks out to me. The line goes a bit something like, "I promise you kid I give so much more than I get..." Although I often feel like this; I have been attempting to find ways to deal with it.

Now, I propose the question; Is it okay to feel unappreciated? Or is that our minds are attempting to victimize itself so that we have a balance?

By giving we feel happy as well as by receiving. But shouldn't it be satisfying enough for us to give and not receive? We should be happy to give and not take.

It's a complicated question to ask. But we do have to apply some deep though into wheter or not appreciation is needed for a stable mind. Specifically appreciation from those individuals most often around us: family, friends and co-workers.

“Everyone wants to be appreciated, so if you appreciate someone, don't keep it a secret.”

Life: A Roller-Coaster

The last few months I felt as though everything had been going perfect, what could possibly go wrong? As the season changes so does life, its a revolving change much like a roller coaster which goes up and down so does our lives, our friends, our emotions.

As I recapped the day I could not help but to feel left down. After much thought I came to the conclusion that the significance of a birth is no major event. With millions of deaths and birth each day it can make us question what real significance "life" has.

It is significant to those individuals who have lost someone they loved, but is it also true that, that individual's life is not important until they die.

We are taught to appreciate life but maybe we should be taught to appreciate others; People. It can sound completely cliché but it is true. In reality it takes tragedy for brothers and sister to talk, for a family to hug each other or for an entire nation to work together to accomplish a common goal.

The sad truth about tragedy, is that it is the most common of things in this world.

JZ

TGIF

I like most individuals get excited for things and then things fall through the cracks and we can not find ways to react but with anger, and although the reaction can be harsh, it's realistic.

Realistic much like the goals I will begin to set for myself. Myself, is a word I like a lot of individuals do not take time to use or do work on.

I have gave much thought to life and I believe it's okay to begin to move on from individuals who are not caring or from individuals who go through life not appreciating those who do things for them.

A little "thanks" goes a long way and that's the simplicity many seek.

So remind yourself to thank people who you love, who serve you, who hold a door for you, or simply wave hello on the street.

Thank You.
JZ

privileged

Do you take time to appreciate what you have? We have heard this saying hundreds of time, but the basis of it could not be more true. The last few days I have began to think of life as a gift versus a privileged.

A gift because it can be removed at any time in the most unexpected ways.

As she stood by his side, her tears ran down here face as the memories they shared went through her head and the many times of laughter could no longer be relived.

Take advantage of every second you have, because those seconds which have passed can no longer be relived and will never be the same.

Use everything you have, and let others take advantage of what you offer.

JZ

Collapse of the Fun

You know that feeling when you look forward to something so much and then it all collapses? That's exactly how I feel now.

We all get excited and want to have fun, but either you get a flat tire, the plane is delayed, or simply you miss the bus to school. But we can either learn to accept that or let it ruin or day.

Someone of us will choose to sit and mourn all day while others will go on with their lives as though nothing has happened.

Don't ever let others know your feelings. You make hate someone or simply disagree with everything they do, but that's not your responsibility to let them know.

Let go of problems in your life, release the anger and don't by any means feels oppressed by others.

JZ

OPEN FOR BUSINESS: 24 hour buffet.

Do you find yourself in those situations most commonly with those who you care about in which you don't feel comfortable disagreeing?...

I find myself often in situations in which I can not say anything but "yea, that's fine" or "sure, no problem." I feel as though I cater my life to others.

Spilled on a platter in which people can pick and take as much as they want as though it was a 24 hour buffet.

People take and take and stuff themselves, but do they take it for granted? do they take ME for granted?

"I'm always there if you need me, just hit me up." But would they reply the same to me? Would the individuals in my life sit there with open arms waiting for me, as I so usually do wait for them?

It has been a task, a task of mine to begin to simply say "no"
To disagree and converse. To be waited on rather to be the waiter.
To be given a hand rather than be lending it.
To be appreciated rather than forgotten.

"I'll always be there" continuously I say it. Yes, it is "nice" "the right thing to do"
But I want to be selfish and be helped.

I can accept the words of "your selfish" and I am completely okay with that.

JZ

secret.

Why does everything have to be a secret?

I always feel as though the my life is surrounded with sensitive information that others can not be told.It makes to sick to find information that I can not tell others.

Not that it is hard, but I don't think it is right to be secretive from others. Everyone is always don't mention this, "promise you won't say anything"

is that right? Is it okay to keep information from those important figures in our lifes?


JZ

Friday.

There is something about waking up in the morning and it being sunny out. Today was one of those mornings. Now most people would mostly be angered by sun hitting their face at 7am, but I am completely opposite, especially when it's Friday.

I awoke to music playing it was great. Today I feel energized and ready to take on the world. It's days like those in which we learn to appreciate life and what this beautiful world has for us to discover and appreciate.


Peace.

JZ

good

I surprised myself the last few days.

I have actually been keeping up with the gym and my diet. I really don't want to give up this time or get lazy like the previous times. Although today consisted of being lazy and hanging around the house, it was great to sleep in and enjoy by bed.

Tomorrow is Friday, and finally the weekend. Going to a benefit concert for Haiti.

JZ

Surprised!

I could not be happier right now.

In the past months I had decided to change universities, It had been a big step. I had worried about how I would pay for it and how my parents would help me pay. I waited and waited and today I got a letter. My next school year is basically going to be free!

My mom jumped around and we were extremely happy. It takes a huge worry off my shoulders and the possibility to quit my job and be free becomes more real as the months pass.

2 months left of the semester and I can not wait.

Its a good day, and hopefully a good next few months.

JZ

Start.

A blog? Yes, a blog.


Kinda of a weird thing to start, but I decided today I would give it a shot. This idea of a blog was not mostly my idea but was inspired by a friend we'll call her jessica.

As we talked today she told me about a list; a list in which will help her accomplish her goals and It inspired me to begin to work on my goals. To create a list of things that I want to accomplish not in the far future, but things that I can begin to work on now. I will begin to write my list today a solid list of my goals and my "dreams"

I need to really focus and make sure to accomplish these task so that I get that sense of pride within me.

This blog presents my ideas and my views of the world. My views, called opinions in which we all have the right to offer.

JZ