Welcome to the World.

I literally wanted to lay in my bed for hours writing about nonsense, about random thoughts that came to my head because in my reality that is what comforts me. But lately I have been noticing something, things I used to find comfort in are gone.

I don't do the same things like write or draw, I lack the ability to talk to others, Driving around when angry is dangerous and unfortunately waste too much gas, remaining quiet causes more tension within me. So I am not sure what to do. Where to go? Who to talk to?

I act as though writing is helping and that my issues can just be written down. Unfortunately the reality of it is that I can't. I can barely articulate to a person my feelings.

So welcome to the world, yupp. That place where there are so many things, places and people yet they all lack the ability to provide comfort or safety. The idea is quite scary and it is true.

My sleep has started to catch up to me, so for now sleep.

Is it that some seize the opportunity? That they go for it without the fear of judgement? Or is it simply because they can, they have everything we aspire to be better within them.

I feel that I lack that, not the seizing the opportunity but the confidence to do it, to know that I am okay to do it.

It sucks, I on the other hand try hard to succeedd and ultimately fail. On the other hand they meet today and today they leave.

To me its sad, quite sickning. It's more the jealous aspect that makes me sick, that fact that I carry myself in that way and that I can't go ahead with things. That I lack the looks and the confidence. It makes me sad.

I probably will never get my hands on anything soon. But maybe one day that girl will realize that what they shared wasnt truth, and until someone treats them bad then they'll hopefully understand what good was.

I'm angry for some reason?

I am not even sure why. I am just laying in my bed and thinking about how unhappy I have been lately. The girls I've wanted don't want me back. My friends at home have been lame, and I don't want to go back.

I have finally been making friends I care about and now in a week it's all over and I wont see them for months. I'll be at home, having a lame summer. I just wish something changed things.

I need excitement and I just want to get away from everything right now.

I honestly just want someone to talk to, and those girls that I did talk to have turned away from me. What could be going on?

But, even if I feel like this no one will know. No one will read this and I will be happy and comedic on the outside, for my true belief is that if you surround yourself with happy people you'll be happy. I am just waiting for this to happen.

Advise.

Do you ever find it super hard to take one's own advise? Maybe advise is our form of our emotions telling us what we should do, but of course we don't do.

I never understand why people go back to bad things, why they don't run from bad situations but maybe it's because although they are abuse or taken advantage of they have already feel a sense of security.

No that doesn't make sense to me either, but it's something I really want to look into. It reminds of how abused women do not run away, but it's that fear that you have nothing else.

So is it bad to give advise you yourself can not take?

Is it bad to do what your heart tells you even though it may break relationships and that sense of security you have?

Questions are hard to answer; you need advise.

I've been feeling sad.

Could it be the change of the seasons? Could it be that I've been adapting to the reality that has been laid in front of my eyes? Maybe it's those around me not doing what I imagen they would.

There are days we feel as though we are let down as though nothing goes right and we are simply of minimal importance to society.

I've been feeling sad, and unfortunately the answer to my feelings are not simply written down and if they were they would unreadable because the a person feels is not merely black and white it is a mix of color pallets and a mix of things that are merely unexplainable.

Recent let downs and questions about my standing in the world may lead me a direction where answer can become a possibility, but yet I still wonder what it is.

I attempt to become a member of society and become like most people a "good person" but the opportunity doesn't arrive because when you are ready to become that "good person" you are shoved with a shit load of problems down you're throat.

This could be the answer to why people go "crazy" and why people act with rage. Because they are not given the opportunity to channel their emotions, they are not allowed to talk and simply left behind by their "friends" who did not even bother to realize their absence.

As the rain pours out my window and I see the city lights, I wonder. Wonder how things could be different in life; wonder.

Acknowledge

You sit in the room and not one person acknowledges your words, for that matter your presence.

It's not as though you seek attention; but you feel a sense of wanting someone to for once pay attention to you.

The past days life has felt this way. A constant struggle for someone to talk to you or the constant want for that missing someone in you're life. Even when you had the chance to fulfill your wishes, your wants you never took the time to embrace it.

As though you sit quietly because the sense that no one cares runs through your head you begin to develop a sense of fear. You are fearful to share into those conversions and you ask your self whether they will care or not.

Attempt to stay positive and things will be fine our parents told us. But don't act and things could get worse.

Yet in your head you question why do they all choose to talk to him/her. What makes them better? Those answer are not quickly answer and you will seek to understand the dimensions of relationships.

Anxiety

I found this quote and I want to share it:

“Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day.”

JZ