Welcome to the World.

I literally wanted to lay in my bed for hours writing about nonsense, about random thoughts that came to my head because in my reality that is what comforts me. But lately I have been noticing something, things I used to find comfort in are gone.

I don't do the same things like write or draw, I lack the ability to talk to others, Driving around when angry is dangerous and unfortunately waste too much gas, remaining quiet causes more tension within me. So I am not sure what to do. Where to go? Who to talk to?

I act as though writing is helping and that my issues can just be written down. Unfortunately the reality of it is that I can't. I can barely articulate to a person my feelings.

So welcome to the world, yupp. That place where there are so many things, places and people yet they all lack the ability to provide comfort or safety. The idea is quite scary and it is true.

My sleep has started to catch up to me, so for now sleep.

Is it that some seize the opportunity? That they go for it without the fear of judgement? Or is it simply because they can, they have everything we aspire to be better within them.

I feel that I lack that, not the seizing the opportunity but the confidence to do it, to know that I am okay to do it.

It sucks, I on the other hand try hard to succeedd and ultimately fail. On the other hand they meet today and today they leave.

To me its sad, quite sickning. It's more the jealous aspect that makes me sick, that fact that I carry myself in that way and that I can't go ahead with things. That I lack the looks and the confidence. It makes me sad.

I probably will never get my hands on anything soon. But maybe one day that girl will realize that what they shared wasnt truth, and until someone treats them bad then they'll hopefully understand what good was.

I'm angry for some reason?

I am not even sure why. I am just laying in my bed and thinking about how unhappy I have been lately. The girls I've wanted don't want me back. My friends at home have been lame, and I don't want to go back.

I have finally been making friends I care about and now in a week it's all over and I wont see them for months. I'll be at home, having a lame summer. I just wish something changed things.

I need excitement and I just want to get away from everything right now.

I honestly just want someone to talk to, and those girls that I did talk to have turned away from me. What could be going on?

But, even if I feel like this no one will know. No one will read this and I will be happy and comedic on the outside, for my true belief is that if you surround yourself with happy people you'll be happy. I am just waiting for this to happen.