Searching for it to stop.

I tried to cry, but no tears came out.
My eyes dry like the wind you would find in some western lands where nothing lives but sand and air.

I been trying to not let anything worry me, nothing feel as though it has to be on my mind, but I've been failing.

I still worry, feel anxious, and think way to much about things in which should be of minimal importance and I worry about nothing, because in reality I have no idea what I am worrying about.

I need to begin to let others go, and stop my attachments to things; but if I do I will lose them, our friendships, or importance.

It's a battle I continue to fight, and I have forever: Why do I care so much?

fuck.

I need to find something to concentrate my energy in, something that will be productive.

I lack that, I lack a force in which I can concentrate on. I lack the ability to recognize my wrong doings. I lack the ability to speak my mind in an un-hurtful way.

I continue to search for those things to come into my world, and I hope that when it does it will help my insecurities, my lack of things, and my sense of care for everything I encounter.

JZ

Its working, but will it last?

Whats happened the last few days is unexplainable; but of course I will try.

The moods and the amounts of emotions have been insane. People have argued, ignored, poured their hearts out and even swore to stop talking. But in the end it's worked itself out, because mature people have done what they had to do and talked.

But yet although everything has been working and it all seems perfect, I know something is not fully clicking in. Individuals are choosing to omit something, and I could understand why.

Although I understand it, it causes this unsettledness feeling in my stomach and it causes this nervousness that is unexplainable. It's weird because in my head nothing is bothering me, but in my unconsciousness something is, and it attempts to present itself in a weird form.

Subject change.
I've caused a few different problems lately, only because I haven't been able to fully display my feelings toward this moment in my life where things are going to begin to change way to fast. In this moment i'm going through learning and I'm still learning to cope with the concept of leaving family,friends, and me house behind for things I need to actually do. What bothers me is the fact that I'm afraid of what will happen at home when I'm gone? Who is going to be there for me? In my absence will I be replaced? Will things change so much that I will lose what I hold so dear? I really no one can understand this feeling, and in my attempts to help people understand its just caused anger and arguments from others.

I pray and hope that things in my life don't change in bad ways, that things continue to be good and that those who I hold dear in my life remain there with open arms.

Need.

I've realized I need someone in my life.

I need someone to take me away from the problems that I have and I need someone in which I can concentrate my positive energy and someone in which I can talk to about things that bother me.

I see other individuals in my life enjoy the privilege of having things like that and I just want a taste of it.